If you’re anything like me, you have this bizarre need to feel like you could bump into anyone you know on the street and feel comfortable talking to them. Old friends, old lovers, old bosses. All of them should want to hug you or high five you.
I’m afraid to say that this just isn’t reality.
Not everyone loves you or wants to be around you.
Why? Because you annoy them. Because they don’t feel good when they are around you. Because they have moved in a different direction from you and don’t gain value from being around you anymore.
One of the toughest things about being a nice person is that you want everyone to get along. The idea that someone doesn’t like you, or doesn’t want to be around you is excruciating. Because you are not in the habit of rejecting others, when you get rejected it really fucking hurts.
No matter how good of a person you might be, there will be people with whom you can’t get along. It’s not a match, and that’s just how it is.
Fortunately for me, I can count this group of people on one hand, and I hope that the list doesn’t grow much further.
One lesson I’ve had to learn is to stop trying to perpetuate relationships that are over. Letting go of expired relationships is a skill you have to learn if you want to grow.
If you are reaching out to people but getting no response, its time to let go. Once you feel someone is avoiding you, never disturb them again.
If people don’t want to be friends with you, then stop trying to be friends with them. Realize that for whatever reason they don’t have the need you have, and they don’t feel a connection to you.
It’s ok. You can’t be everything to everyone.
People go through phases in their life. Sometimes they make changes that don’t make sense to you. You just have to accept this and move on.
Moving on means putting energy and focus into those who value you, and are going in the same direction as you.
And what happens if you do bump into someone who you can’t seem to be friends with? Treat them with the same respect you would give a stranger or acquaintance. Wish them well and get back into your own life.
There are better matched people awaiting you around the next corner. But you wont find them if you keep trying to hang on to ‘friends’ who aren’t your friends anymore.