Last week I was talking to my Dad on Skype.
He was asking me about my work, and I told him that lately it’s been annoying me. I told him that I can’t really be bothered doing what it takes to make it a bigger success and I honestly feel sometimes like just giving up.
“Put that in your blog,” he said, “You always write all this high-brow stuff about being motivated, focused, or whatever. Why don’t you write one about not being bothered.”
At the time, I just laughed it off, thinking he was being sarcastic.
But then I started to think about it: why don’t I write about it?
Why don’t I tell people that sometimes I don’t do what I should do?
I took a look back at the writing I’d done over the past year or so. My Dad was right.
Most of the time I was writing about the times I’d done something impressive, something noble, something that created an idealized image of who I am.
If I’m honest, it’s because I’ve now created an online image that I like to keep up.
Actually, I don’t think I’m alone in this.
Ten years ago, most of us didn’t have an online image. We just were who we were to our friends and families. But today, many of us have begun to curate our online lives. We have a brand that represents the best parts of who we think we are. All we show the world are motivational moments and triumphant times.
Now, I’d wager that being overly positive is better than spewing negativity or complaining. But perhaps my Dad has a point: if we were more honest about both sides of our personality, the good and the bad, maybe we’d actually be more relatable.
So here’s some truth: often I wake up feeling like I can’t be bothered. Like I want to just give up and be a slack-ass. I want to cancel my plans, I want to ignore my goals.
Most of the time I get on with what I need to do, but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I procrastinate for a day or a week. Sometimes I bullshit myself that I am somehow going to succeed without any effort.
I don’t have a cure-all solution for it, and maybe that’s ok.
At the very least, I guess I’m being more honest about both sides of my personality.