Losing A Whole Year

When 2020 started, I was feeling very sure of myself. 

I had a clear focus for the new decade ahead and was ready to tackle the goals I’d set with a focused, steady approach. 

Of course, nobody could have seen what was coming with the Covid-19 pandemic and the complete shutdown of our societies. What we took for granted as ‘normal life’ suddenly became unsafe and was taken away.

When things started to change in March of this year, I figured I would use the lockdown time constructively. I would focus on learning new skills, improving my fitness, growing my business. After all, I had the time available; it made sense to use it wisely.

But those ideals lasted about a week. I soon found myself losing focus, slacking off, and forgetting what I was supposed to be doing with this new year and the new decade.

Slowly, my life started to entropy. Instead of getting fitter, I was growing fatter. Instead of learning new skills, I spent my time binge-watching TV shows and playing video games. 

By mid-year, I even started to lose the desire to grow my business. I began to tell myself that ‘2020 wasn’t a good year for ambition.’ It seemed like having the foundations of normality taken away created a sort of negative inertia. I was drifting backward and seemed somehow unwilling to stop it.

In some ways, 2020 has felt like being in a long dark tunnel. There is a light at the end, but it seems to keep extending further away from us. Yet we all keep walking slowly towards the light, ever hopeful we’ll reach it.

By far, the activity I miss the most in 2020 is speaking in public. Having been a professional speaker for a few years, I didn’t realize just how much joy and energy the activity brings to my life. For me, speaking is the ‘bliss’ that makes me feel complete.

I have done many virtual speaking events during this year, but they don’t compare to in-person speaking. Although I value the opportunities, there is just a lack of connection and energy when talking to a zoom room. 

This lack of ability to speak has shown me just how essential it is for me to follow my path in life. Although I know it’s impossible to do right now, when it eventually comes back someday, I know I must pursue it even more than I did before. 

The old cliche ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’ has always referred to relationships. But for me, it also holds true for my ability to speak and share ideas with audiences.

As we near the end of 2020, with the new year at least offering some hope of normality returning, I have started to reflect on the year behind me.

Have I wasted all the potential that was available to me since March this year? Yes, in some ways, I guess I have. Am I annoyed at myself for not being more vigilant with my ambitions? Yes, I am.

But it’s not all bad. This year I have developed a greater appreciation for the life I used to have. The simple ability to be with family and friends, to visit public places, and to be active in the real world are all things I am eagerly awaiting the return of.

The pandemic and the lockdown have led to a lot of negative experiences for many people. For me, they have affirmed just how much I value the ability to speak and to share my life with those people that matter.

2020, you were kind of a waste of time, but also a reminder of what matters most.

9 thoughts on “Losing A Whole Year

  1. 2020 what a tear. I think Gabby Bernstein also missed the public speaking, so she started her dear gabby on Instagram live.

    Wishing you and your health and safety and ways to achieving dreams and purpose

    Like

  2. It’s been an interesting year. There’s still time left for you to get back to tackling those goals! In the safety of your home. Maybe you can write a million speeches, and be ready to hop back into the speech circuit once everything reopens again. Please don’t give up hope, Daniel!!!

    Like

    1. Hey Burcu! So glad it resonated for you too. I think a lot of us are feeling this way about the year. We’ve been forced into a very different way of living, and it’s taken it’s toll. But at least we can share the journey together, my friend!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s