For the longest time, I wanted to be famous.

Not specifically for anything, it was just the general idea that other people would know who I was. I had this secret fantasy that someday, somehow, somebody would recognize me and want to shake my hand or take a photo with me.

I’d guess that most of us have something similar which is a sort of vague fantasy version of life. Some of us want to be rich, famous, beautiful, or powerful.

We don’t know exactly why we want it, or exactly how we’re supposed to achieve it.
Still, we want it.

A few years ago, I sat down and thought about my desire for fame. Eventually, I discovered my secret reason for wanting to be famous: fame is a positive form of reputation or respect.

The respect of other people is actually what I wanted. I liked the idea that the people I know respect me, and the way I live my life.

(When it comes to more tangible dreams, what I really want to be is a speaker and a writer. And guess what… I do those things each week, consistently and persistently.)

I don’t really want to be famous, or else I’d be pursuing a course of action that would lead to it.

When I have the courage to admit it, I am exactly where I want to be.

No matter what we tell the world (or ourselves), there is often a secondary reason behind our actions. This is actually what drives us.


Being fat means you get to eat a lot and skip exercising.
Being broke means you don’t have to save money or delay gratification.
Being average means you don’t have to make much effort towards anything.

The desire for the secondary payoff is really what drives most of our behavior. It is hidden away because it’s not comfortable to admit.

When you explore your true motives, you can adjust your behavior to match what is most important to you. Best of all, you can stop fooling yourself and the world.

The truth is that you are exactly where you want to be.

You’re as fat or thin as you really want to be. You have as much money, fame or personal power as you really want. You are single or in a relationship because you really want to be. Admit it, and if you don’t like the truth, make a plan to change.

The truth is, if you really wanted something, you would have it or be on the path to getting it.