Watch any motivational video aimed at men, and you will see a familiar pattern.

Muscular men, dressed in suits or workout gear, driving expensive cars, and courting attractive women.

These extreme men are always the boss, the leader, the man to whom other men bend the knee. They move through the world, leaving others in their wake, making big moves, and taking what is owed to them.

They’re iconic.
They’re enigmatic.
They’re powerful.

But for the most part, they are not real.

This idea that a man can be somehow alpha or sigma male and live a healthy, fulfilling life with other people is not just unrealistic, it’s downright ridiculous.

And yet, men all around the world love them, keep watching them, and perpetuate the myth that these are the men worth following.

If you’ve spent any time online as a man, you have likely fallen prey to the myth and the fantasy of becoming this type of man.

My friend, today I want to offer a different perspective.

I believe it’s time to STOP idolizing extreme men.

The alpha male, the sigma male, the extreme men you see online are not living in reality. Following them, believing that someday you may be like them is making you miserable.

Swimming In the Shallows

Let’s admit it: extreme men are exciting and entertaining.

They display all the traits that most men value and believe will make them happy. They stimulate mirror neurons that make men feel like they are living an exciting life too.

It’s the male equivalent of women falling in love with a bad boy. We know it’s ridiculous, but we can’t help but watch.

Extreme men make us believe — if only for a moment — that we too might be able to break out of the norm, and somehow be special, unique, and important.

On the one hand, this temporary boost of belief is seemingly a good thing. You feel pumped up, resilient, and ready to attack the world.

Yet, as real life has likely shown you, you don’t actually want to take action to become like these extreme men you idolize. If you’re really honest, you just enjoy the emotional high that they supply you. Like a shot of cheap booze, they give you a warm feeling that soon fades.

And that’s why you keep watching.

The short-term hit of the alpha male fantasy has to keep being topped up.

You need more. More money, more power, more women.

You need to see these men doing crazy shit, while you sit alone in the safety of your home.

The Id and The Internet

Sigmund Freud taught us that the human mind is not one mind, but three.

In his now archaic explanation, he introduced us to the Id, The Ego, and the Superego.

The Id is the childish, impulsive, untamed part of our psyche.
The Ego is the person who we feel we are most of the time.
The Superego is all our parental and societal expectations that tell us we can and should be better.

The reason we love toxic male role models is because of the Id.

Truth is, we normal men have a lot of shame about showing our Id impulses to the world. We wouldn’t dare say or do half the things we think, but we love to watch men who do.

The Id can always find satisfaction, especially in this internet era. It’s easy to find men who display all the signals that the Id secretly craves.

We love violence, we love sexual promiscuity, and we love excess wealth and lavish lifestyles. All these activities speak directly to the Id, the part of us men wants to be indulged without consequences.

Living a decadent, egocentric, selfish life is not a feasible reality for most men. It’s not that we can’t live that way, it’s that we feel awful when we try to.

Most of us men have a career, a family, and a social construct that we have to live inside of. We fantasize about breaking out of it, but the truth is that it fulfills us more than we admit.

The idea of being an extreme man is simply a fantasy and one that we don’t actually want to live if we’re honest.

The Myth of Not Measuring Up

If you have read this far, it’s likely you relate to the reality check I’m sharing.

Personally, I have spent way too many years of my life looking up to men who are living in an unhealthy, unsustainable way.

The danger of idolizing extreme or toxic men is that you can never measure up. You can’t achieve their level of success, control, and coolness, because they don’t actually exist.

Not measuring up to extreme men is a healthy way to live. The sooner you realize this, the happier you will be.

Setting a standard that allows you to be the best version of yourself has very little to do with the shallow signaling that extreme men parade around in front of you.

Setting Your Own Standard

Being a great team member, a dedicated father, or a supportive friend has huge merit and value in the real world. Men who espouse these values are desperately needed and are the ones that are remembered.

Extreme men who live selfish lives are eventually isolated. They lose their status, their support, and their souls suffer.

If you want to be a truly high-value male in the world, look at who you are impacting with your words and actions. See how your consistency and ability to thrive inside a family and a society are invaluable.

It’s time to stop idolizing extreme men. It’s time to realize that we are the ones who have the power. We are the leaders we are looking for, and we are able to make an impact in this world.

Being a moderate man, who lives with principle is not just admirable, it’s crucial.

Be the man you are, and admire yourself for your courage and character.