Recently, I discovered I have a bad habit.

I have a tendency to always be dating or attempting to date someone. I am somehow addicted to hunting for a relationship, rather than actually wanting a relationship.

Let me try to explain.

I took a look back at my relationship history during the past 10 years, and it looks like this:

Attempt to date anyone mildly interesting or attractive in my periphery
Date one person exclusively for as long as it lasts
Attempt to date anyone mildly interesting or attractive in my periphery
Date one person exclusively for as long as it lasts
Attempt to date anyone mildly interesting or attractive in my periphery


And so on…

What I’ve realized is that the reason I am still not with someone who is a good match for me is because the people I date are people I’ve met when attempting to date anyone in my periphery.

Now, I wouldn’t label myself a desperate person, or someone who is especially needy. But I have developed a habit of being constantly courting, flirting, chatting and pseudo-dating.

Essentially I am just picking the most interesting or attractive person without much thought of whether that person is actually compatible. That is what dating has become for me.

I think this sort of behavior is ok when you are 22, maybe even when you are 28. But at some point, the pattern becomes repetitive and exhausting. Finally it traps you into having mediocre relationships.

Attraction to someone doesn’t mean you have to date that person. Being single doesn’t mean you always have to be looking.

A far better strategy is to become the person you want to be, and that will place you in a life position where you are likely to meet someone very compatible with you.

In the meantime, stay focused on who you want to become, relish the single life, and stop forcing fake relationships.